What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 06:33
Im still living with it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I said to her
Elly De La Cruz throws out Javier Baez with mind-boggling 98 mph throw - New York Post
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Are miracles real or do they just have natural explanations?
My life is so biszare .
(And it was in our own minds.)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
What kind of person does a narcissist hate?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why is there so much evil in the world?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What are some funny and smart quotes?
Who then, do I blame.?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Questlove on Sly Stone: ‘His Artistry Came With a Burden’ - Rolling Stone
Was to survive, this bastard.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What factors contributed to The Beatles' bitterness?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
What are some funny stories of people calling 911 for non-emergencies?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I don,t even have a pension.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Would this be the day?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was in good health!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Ive learnt so much.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She found it foreign!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i lived it daily.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My family never makes their pension either.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were not on the streets..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I could never make a relationship work though!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He knew the spot.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But it wasn’t much.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
When she asked me how she looked .
So whats the point in blame.
But, we were locked up after school.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So, i spoilt her more .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It was going to be , some day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She wouldn,t have been !
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I waited trembling.
I was seconnd youngest,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I will be 64.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was very sick at this time too.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
This is soul school!.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One cannot live in the past .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
All the time i was locked up.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I have no regrets .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She loved him until the end.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I write beautiful poetry .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We all went to grammer schools
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why did i forgive my father ?
What did i know ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was scared of men, in general
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I think the readers, may guess!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was 9 years of age.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Comes on , in middle age.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Put me off passion for life!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.